Summer Viewing: Ore Monogatari (eps 7-10)

Ore Monogatari, aka My Love Story!!,  is a sweet, romantic shoujo anime with a twist: the guy, not the girl, is the main character, and he's not the normal bishounen charmer.

After the fifth episode, I wrote a post on Beneath the Tangles about sacrificial love's huge role in this show. That's one big reason I enjoy it. But since then, I've come to enjoy the relationships in Ore Monogatari, both platonic and romantic, in a broader way.

I actually started this post last week, then decided I was too busy to finish it. So I have four episodes to cover, and I'll get through them quickly say something quick about 'em, I guess (I'm finishing this late Friday night/early Saturday morning, after a ten-hour shift, so I apologize for the distinct lack of care). Here are some highlights and opinions:

First, episode 7: The judo team asks Takeo to fill in for an injured member. They need help against their rival. Takeo, of course, agrees. He spends the month leading up to the match training... which means he doesn't get to spend time with his girlfriend, Yamato. She's very understanding and supportive. It's sweet.

Takeo and Yamato: "Look, it's you!" "And you!"
Suna: "How are you guys seeing this?" (ep 7)

Yamato gets more chances to talk alone with Takeo's best friend, Suna. She points out groups of stars that she thinks looks like Takeo. Then, when they're all together again after Takeo wins his match, he says the stars look like Yamato.

Some transition stuff must have happened in episode 8. I only have one screenshot from that one. I do know that Suna is quietly struggling at this point, and Takeo realizes it, but doesn't know what's going on.

Then there's episode 9... I really like this one. Suna confesses that his father is about to have heart surgery, and the rest of his family is out of the country. Takeo wants to be there, of course, but the surgery is on Yamato's birthday. With Suna's help, he's planned out the perfect day, and Suna insists he spend the day with Yamato, as planned.

At first, Takeo does take Yamato out. But he can't stay away. He has to support his best friend. So he tells Yamato what's going on and rushes to the hospital to be with Suna.

Takeo supports Suna outside the operating room (ep 9).

I love how these guys support each other.

The most recent episode wasn't as touching for me. It was sweet, but that's it. By now, I'm used to Ore Monogtari's combination of typical shoujo and defiance against the genre. As always, I appreciate Takeo's love for Yamato, and his determination to keep her as safe as he can after they get lost in the woods. It's just not really anything new.

Okay. That's it for the week. I switched to typing with one hand because my entire right arm is sore from a long day serving ice cream and making shakes. I think I'm going to continue re-watching Hunter x Hunter as I get ready for bed. Hopefully I manage to turn it off before I fall asleep this time...

Rewind: Ouran High School Host Club

It's difficult to get very far in anime fandom without learning about Ouran High School Host Club. This popular shoujo aired almost nine years ago and only lasted 26 episodes, but it still pops up in discussions and fanart from time to time. Why? There's decent character development as the characters mature socially and emotionally. But mostly, it's fun. Really, really fun.

There are several elements to OHSHC that could make certain conservatives squirm, though, especially in relation to gender and sexuality. I'm not going to examine these closely right now, but they're interesting to note:

1. Harhui, a girl, is mistaken for a guy. This is unintentional at first. But when she's pressed into service as a member of the host club, she must continue the charade. She doesn't mind too terribly. She doesn't consider gender (especially biologically) to be that important. When asked, she says, "What's important as a person is what's on the inside, right?"

2. They're in a host club. These boys aim to please girls... which mostly, it seems, meens making them squeal. It's relatively innocent, barely sexualized at all, but... Look, I like the idea of charming men paying attention to me. But when I try to picture myself in such an environment, it just doesn't feel right. Not to mention the ways it reminds me of certain seedy establishments...

3. Note I said relatively innocent. Apparently, a lot of yaoi fangirls frequent the host club. Kaoru and Hikaru take full advantage of that. These twin brothers have a close relationship anyway. But they put on a show of being lovers as well as brothers. Their guests swoon over it. Does their relationship really cross the line? Nope. Their facial expressions often tell the viewers their real feelings. It's amusing, actually. Still, their sexualized facade must be noted.

4. Haruhi's dad is a cross dresser.

5. The students from Lobelia Girls' Academy idealize both womanhood itself (as they see it) and relationships between women. Of course, like all the characters and character groups, they are extreme for comedic reasons.

I don't want to make a judgement or dive into theological stuff right now, though I think it's important to realize what messages OHSHC is sending. I do, however, find my reaction interesting. None of these elements ruffled me enough to impede my enjoyment.

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Could it be? Am I actually posting before midnight PST? How did that happen? Well... Remember how I said it would be a couple weeks before my first Beneath the Tangles post? It turns out that I can't wait that long. I'm writing something I'm excited about for BtT. I can't wait to get it finished and posted, but I wanted to make sure I got this done first. 

Rewind: Skip Beat!

Last week, I wrote about "pushover" characters and what we can learn from them. Even as I wrote that post, I thought about Kyoko from Skip Beat!. She didn't qualify for last week's post for multiple reasons. First, she stops being a pushover after the first episode. Second, her character development is more complex, so I'd like to spend more than a paragraph on her story.

Before I dive into Kyoko's character, let's cover the anime itself.

I watched Skip Beat! at least four years ago—even before I watched Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge (The Wallflower). I think, at the time, I thought the male characters were attractive, in the 2D kind of way. I laughed at the the manifestations of Kyoko's feelings—like the phantoms. Looking back, I'm not a fan of the art style—those bishies don't look so pretty anymore, and the dramatic visual effects don't move me the same way. Still, I must agree with my past self: this is a fun show.

In fact, I just finished the Taiwanese drama of Skip Beat!, which followed pretty much the same plot as the anime, though they changed some details. I'm not exactly a drama fan, but I enjoyed this production. It retained anime/manga physics and effects, like Kyoko's crazy cycling speed and those little Kyoko-phantoms, so I felt right at home.

The manifestations of Kyoko's grudge can physically harm people.
Kinda cool anime logic. In this scene, she's just found out that Sho is
just using her, and she's gone nuts (ep 1).

But I digress. Back to the anime.

Kyoko has built her life around Sho—childhood friend, rising idol, and narcissistic jerk. He asked her to move with him to Tokyo right after middle school, so he could escape his family's plans for him and become an idol, like he's always dreamed. Of course, she accepted, even though it meant giving up high school (which is not compulsory in Japan). She works two jobs to pay rent at their expensive apartment, and she buys almost nothing for herself... except his CDs, posters, etc. (which he really should be getting her for free). He's rarely at the apartment, and when he is, he's rude--but she brushes it off, blaming his work schedule for his grumpiness.

Sho, on the other hand, thinks he's entitled to treat her as his maid. After all, it's always been that way. She's lived at his family's inn since childhood, always following and adoring him, working hard to get his and his family's approval. She thinks of him as her prince. She's in rags now, like fairytale princesses, but she'll always be together with him... Sho thinks of himself as a prince, too. But that's the only part they really agree on.

By the end of the first episode, Kyoko knows the truth and moves on. But, up to that point, this is an abusive relationship. What separates Kyoko from the selfless characters I talked about last week? Why does she seem more pitiable than admirable? Where did she go wrong? I don't have the time or expertise to fully explore these questions, but I want to take at least a few moments to consider them.

First, her identity is built around one human being. She idolized him long before he became a pop idol, and she continues to worship him. Her time, talents, energy, worship—every ounce of it goes to Sho. This is never healthy. Even if he were everything she wanted him to be, it wouldn't be good.

So, what would be a better situation? Our culture might suggest she learn to love and respect herself, and pursue her own happiness... but she'd still be building her life around one person—herself. It sounds like a healthy option, but it's not. Alternatively, we could suggest she expand her perspective, and spend her time building other relationships and giving to multiple people. The characters I mentioned last week certainly do that. And yet, it's still not the complete picture.

I believe that our service and love should be primarily oriented toward God, not toward other people or ourselves. That is the key to living well. God commands us to be selfless and loving. So serving others is built into serving him. But we don't have to depend on the people we serve for acceptance, praise, or love. Nor is our worth measured by how much we please others.

Imagine if Kyoko knew all this. I suspect the story would be very different—first, she might not have gone to Tokyo at all. She wouldn't let Sho drain her resources. Instead, she'd bless more people with her friendship. She wouldn't fear abandonment from Sho as much. And when she found out the truth about his jerkiness, she wouldn't be consumed by vengeance. She'd feel sad and betrayed, yes, but she'd also know that her hope for salvation and love was always in the Lord God, not in her childhood friend.

This topic deserves more attention, but this is all I can give it tonight. Since I can't think much more before I fall asleep, I'd love to read your thoughts on this topic!

Rewind: Kaichou wa Maid-sama!

Many teenage girls learn to squeal and giggle about boys with their friends... or at least, that's what I imagine. I didn't talk about that kind of thing very much, and I didn't have any crushes. I was too practical, too shy, and too unwilling to objectify men. Those last two traits explain themselves, but in regards to practicality... I didn't plan to date until I reached the marrying age. Nothing but disappointment could come from getting prematurely excited about some male classmate (particularly since I didn't have the guts to talk to most of them). And I really didn't get other girls' obsession with actors like Orlando Bloom. Thus, I discovered my squeal while watching shoujo anime like Kaichou wa Maid-sama.

Usui in glasses. Episode 19. When I first watched this, I was
surprised how much those thin loops of wire on his face affected
me... I just realized that his shirt's open in this pic. I was too
focused on his face to see that before.

I discovered other things, too. Anime bishounen in glasses caused a certain happiness in my chest, similar to the feeling I got when I saw a character do something romantic. I felt free to stare at these bishounen, such as Usui Takami in Kaichou wa Maid-sama!, in a way I couldn't look at real people (not even actors in a movie). I knew Usui wouldn't catch me looking. 

Don't misunderstand; I'm not talking about lust. In fact, in that first year or two of anime watching, I was too naive to recognize a lot of the innuendo in what I watched. For example, in Kaichou wa Maid-sama!, the main character, Misaki, works at a maid cafe. At the time, I had almost entirely innocent connotations with these kinds of things. And, honestly, a lot of things went over my head. When I re-watch episodes, I realize that a lot of it went over Misaki's head, too. For example, near the end of episode 7, when the maid cafe is having a cross dressing day, two female customers discuss the role Misaki would have if she were a guy in a yaoi coupling. Misaki doesn't understand their lingo, and I probably still wouldn't understand it if I hadn't continued hanging around otaku corners of the internet.

I'm not saying that Kaichou wa Maid-sama! isn't good to watch. Nor am I saying that my mind was completely innocent during my junior and senior years of high school. But things were different. I was different; I don't enjoy this type of shoujo anime nearly as much as I did three years ago. Okay, actually, maybe I do enjoy it, just with a little more discretion. And let's face it; some of the recent shoujo, especially reverse harems like Brothers Conflict, could disillusion almost anyone. I should probably finish re-watching Kaichou wa Maid-sama! within the next couple weeks to remind myself why this stuff can be good.

What did I like about it? I vaguely remember some really good themes, but it's been a long time since I watched the whole thing. I know that, to some extent, I was still enamored by the shoujo anime world, a world different enough from my real life to be fantasy, even if there was no magic in it. The exaggerated characters and situations made me laugh. I had fun. 

I lived through the characters to some extent, as is usually the case. Misaki is pretty cool: she's strong, inspirational, and hardworking. But she does have weaknesses, which make her relatable. Plus, Usui is interested her. He's strong, good-looking, and amusing to watch, as many anime characters are. And he can be quite the knight in shining armor when he needs to be. Sure, he has some serious character flaws -  the way he teases Misaki could get him a sexual harassment charge. But, obviously, he's an anime character, so I can (and did) forgive him such faults.

I do wonder Usui's type of character, though. He's good at heart, but he can be a jerk. I've seen it in other shoujo fare, most notably Itazura na Kiss (although I'm not sure how good Irie's heart actually is). It's appeared in an abundance of fiction written by teen girls on Wattpad, too. Something about that character is attractive, at least in fictional form. Perhaps it's just that he's flawed, which makes him relatable, yet there's good in him, and it's most obvious when he's in love... making the girl a kind of savior, which is probably an ego boost. 

Of course, right after I said all that cynical stuff, I went and re-watched episode 8. I saw all the devices they were using to get me hyped up (including the music). I knew what they were doing. And I've

*Squeal*

watched a lot more Law and Order: SVU since the last time I watched this, so the scene felt more intense. When Usui swooped in to save Misaka, I let out a little squeak, even though I was in a criticizing mood and knew exactly what was happening. The mangaka, director, etc. are good at their craft, that's for sure.

Right before Usui burst in to save Misaki, she whispered his
name. She's tough, but even she needs saving sometimes, and
Usui is always there.

But I've spent far too much time on this already. Perhaps I'll speculate about shoujo characters in a more thorough post someday (don't count on it, though). For now, I need to wrap this up. I have a paper I'd like to finish tonight (it was actually due this afternoon, but I couldn't manage it), and quite a bit of writing and studying to do over the next five or so days. Then, I will finally be free for another summer.  And not a moment too soon. If I didn't love school so much, I'd hate it right now. I'm so sleep deprived, the mere idea of climbing under my covers for a good night's sleep makes me giggle in delight.

Rewind: Yumeiro Pâtissière

Today, I feature another anime from the ancient days, from when I used this old PC all the time and wasn't as obsessive about taking screenshots. Those were the days of anime binging and genre phases, when I searched out every acceptable vampire anime, and then every enjoyable cute anime. In other words, I watched Yumeiro Pâtissière three years ago, around the same time as La Corda d'Oro, Gauken Alice, Lucky Star, and Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi. In that time of my life, I appreciated anything that would help me escape from reality, especially if it made me smile or, better, laugh. Yumeiro Pâtissière had just the pleasant, innocent, fun atmosphere I longed for, and between the first 50-episode series and the second, single season series, it wrapped me in comfort for several hours.

My biggest complaint with Yumeiro Pâtissière was the same thing that gave it major cute points: the art. Everyone looked much younger than their actual age, even by anime standards. The adults looked like high schoolers, and 14-year-old Ichigo and her classmates looked like elementary students. It was easy to forget their real ages. Of course, if I wanted realism, Yumeiro Pâtissière was the wrong place to look. It had fairies.

Cute characters looking cute in the 32nd episode. And cupcakes
looking yummy... there's a lot of mouthwatering food in this one.

Before you dismiss this as a kids' anime (which it sort of is), let me tell you that I found the story quite entertaining.

"Sure, Annalyn," you say. "But you've already admitted you were an anime binger, and you weren't very discriminating."

Actually, by 2011, I could differentiate between what would completely, grossly waste my time and what anime was worth wasting my time on. Plus, enough people shared my positive opinion of this show to give it an average 4/5 stars on Anime-Planet. I binged, but I binged on decent quality anime.

Here's some of what kept my attention in Yumeiro Pâtissière, at least from what I remember:

First, Ichigo had a special skill (amazing sense of taste), which was identified by a professional chef. She was invited to a special school, at which she would slowly rise from the bottom of her class cooking group and become a great chef. There was competition and everything. Basically, there were several of the same qualities I enjoy in sports anime.

Second, there was a bit of romance. This anime is no where near entering the romance genre, but there's enough to make me smile. Actually, Yumeiro Pâtissière has some reverse harem elements, as she becomes close to three guys... and, as you may recall, I used to have a weakness for reverse harem (I'm pretty sure I've grown out of it... though it may just be that I haven't found a decent reverse harem in a long, long time).

Third, it made me happy. Look, I don't remember all the details, but I smiled and chuckled and had an all around pleasant time. That's all I wanted.

Yumeiro Pâtissière inspired a little story that I posted on this blog, a hypothetical Valentine's Day story of sorts. That story takes me down memory lane even more than looking at old screenshots. A lot has changed in the past three years... Anyway, I wrote it when Yumeiro Pâtissière was fresher in my memory, so the short introduction probably gives better information about the show than this post does.

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P.S. I just got the news: My Macbook is finally fixed! I'll get it back on Monday, when I return to school from Spring Break. This old PC of mine has been a real trooper, and I always enjoy getting reaquainted with it, but it will be a big relief to get back on the laptop I'm most comfortable with. Plus, I've been using the small inventory of screenshots on this PC to decide what to feature in my Rewind posts. I prefer not to watch anime (or any videos) on this dear, slow, old thing. It will be nice to have the freedom to move about at the speed and ease my younger laptop allows.

Rewind: Earl and Fairy

I greatly enjoyed Earl and Fairy when I watched it three years ago. The main character, Lydia, is still my profile picture on most websites, including Anime-Planet and Twitter. I no longer remember the scenes that so delighted me, but I liked it more for the fairytale effect than the quality of plot. Honestly, at the time, all I wanted in my shoujo anime was entertainment, preferably a few giggle-worthy scenes, and a hint of fairytale feelings.

I'm so used to Lydia representing me, I have
a hard time replacing her with a different
profile picture, although I've tried.

Something else I find noteworthy: Earl and Fairy aired in 2008. I've noticed that many of the shoujo anime I loved so much aired between 2006 and 2009, with a few outliers. These shows all share something in tone, style, or humor, and they're the ones I think of when I think of shoujo anime. I can't think of anything that aired after 2010 that capture me the same way. Then again, my tastes have changed a surprising amount in the past couple years, so I don't know if even Earl and Fairy or The Wallflower or any of the others would still capture me like they used to.

Anyway, since I barely remember Earl and Fairy, I'll redirect you to my old Anime-Planet review of the show. I gave it a 6/10, and I recognized that even that was probably generous. I'm slightly embarrassed when I look back at my Anime-Planet reviews, including this one. I'd read a lot of other reviews, and I think I was mimicking them a little in my attempts to get technical. Oh well. I still found my review informative to read, since I'd forgotten so much in the last couple years. I'm pretty sure that I only remember Lydia's name because she's my profile picture.

Rewind: The Wallflower

Last time I wrote about The Wallflower, almost three years ago, it resulted in a reflective post. I've had a few years to reflect on the same topics and add to my thoughts. Those years show in this post, so it's a little more in depth than past "Rewind" posts.

It’s been a while since I watched or read The Wallflower (Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge). But I’ve thought about it now and then, attempted to watch the dubbed version, and reread my old post on the series. It’s easy to remember the premise, and easier still to remember the appeal of it. I identified with the main character, Sunako. I wanted friends to reach out to me like the boys in The Wallflower reached out to her. I wanted to be special to a group of people, and perhaps especially special to a single young man, like Sunako was. I enjoyed the light romance, and the characters’ more charming moments made me giggle. The Wallflower gave me - and millions of other girls - a way to live a fantasy. Yes, it was unrealistic. Still, it addressed real needs: the need for acceptance, companionship, love, to be pursued. In its own way, The Wallflower addressed our need for salvation from ourselves and the darkness that encompasses us.

Sunako is a high school girl who loves horror. She spends her days hiding in her dark room, watching horror movies. When she must leave the safety of her room, she hides behind her long hair. She does not put care into her appearance. Her clothes are frumpy, and her skin could benefit from basic care. She carries the pain of rejection with her; two years ago, the boy she liked called her ugly. Even before that, she wasn’t exactly a social butterfly. Now, it’s yet another reason to stay in the shadows.

Her rich, traveling aunt wants to change her. She sends Sunako to live in her mansion with four stunningly handsome boys. In exchange for free rent, they are instructed to transform her into a beautiful lady. They don’t have much to work with. Sunako is not a willing subject, and if she looks directly at her housemates, she gets a nose bleed, as she does around all such “beautiful creatures.” She would prefer to stay in darkness with her horror movies and skulls. These habits have shaped her demeanor, so she actually scares the guys. Like her aunt, they'd much rather change her into something more "ladylike" than accept her for who she is, horror movies and all.

The young men, also students at her high school, are determined. At first, they try to draw her out of darkness because they want free rent. This turns into genuine care. They don’t all compete for her love. Unlike characters in certain recent reverse harem anime, these boys have somewhat varied tastes in women (and some sense of respect). But they become her friends and defenders. One of them becomes the key love interest.

One of the "ridiculous things" I'm referring
to. This particular adventure is in ep 3.

It’s a gradual process, and many ridiculous things happen along the way. I used anime and manga to escape reality much like Sunako used horror, so I enjoyed the unrealistic scenarios and the laughs they produced. This brand of shoujo romantic comedy held particular appeal at the time - by the end of 2010, I’d also watched Skip Beat, Fruits Basket, Kare Kano, Itazura na Kiss, and similar shows. They transported me to a different reality, a place where unlikely love bloomed between unlikely people in even more unlikely situations. I considered myself an extremely unlikely candidate for anything close to romance. I craved the kind of excitement and attention shoujo heroines experienced. I liked anime where the girl was stuck living with the guys, because she automatically got their notice and companionship. I escaped into the anime and lived through the characters, because by the end of 2010, my anxiety and depression were starting to suffocate me again. I wanted someone to notice, to save me from the downward spiral, to draw me into the light even if I resisted.

Of course, I’m not a shoujo heroine, so only my family, psychiatrist, and God seemed to realize my situation. Faced with that reality, I settled for watching Kyohei draw near to Sunako. I knew that wasn’t sufficient for me. Here’s an excerpt of what I posted on February 4, 2011:

“Why then do I forget Him? I read manga, watch anime, and dream of young gentlemen to fill a prince-shaped hole. Yet Jesus already came to fill that hole, and I already accepted Him for the divine Prince He is. Do I, deep down, not truly believe that He is enough? Does some part of me think I need to prove myself worthy of His love? Jesus’ radiance outshines that of any manga or anime character. I don’t get a bloody nose when I realize His presence, but I do get overwhelmed. He is far more than a hundred times as great as Kyohei, Tankenaga, or any other character in The Wallflower. In comparison, I feel like Sunako in her most diminutive form. Part of me wants to hide in my room, turn off the lights, and escape into an anime the way Sunako does with her horror movies. But the other part of me wants to venture into that brilliant light, brave my “bloody nose,” and find out more about the dazzling Prince who gave up everything for me, who pursues a relationship with scattered little me.”

I felt helpless at that point. I knew the truth of what I wrote - Jesus was sufficient. He loved me. I held onto those facts and tried not to let escape define every moment of my free time, tried not to ignore Him, tried to rely on Him. But it would be two more months before I reached my turning point, and several more months before the heavy-heartedness was gone.

I am grateful for my time in darkness. I’m glad it wasn’t worse, but I’m also glad it wasn’t easier. My obsessive attempts to use anime as an escape, my attempts to hide those wasted hours and late nights from my parents and those who I thought lived in light, my attempts to sort out my feelings and live more organized, more productive, more like the other, “healthy” kids - these showed me my helplessness, my brokenness, my weakness, my sinfulness.

By the time I graduated from high school, by the time I took a year off to heal, I was a little mroe humble. My relationship with Jesus had weathered the storms of teenage-hood, thanks to His faithfulness. I grasped Him desperately with my eyes squeezed shut, and He held me securely in His arms. And I came out of it with a better idea of how much I needed salvation, not just from eternal punishment, but from the weight of sin and brokenness everyday.

Sunako and the boys. I think we see their
comedic/diminuitive expressions more
often than their normal facial features.

I love watching anime characters pursue each other. In The Wallflower, Kyouhei and the others pursue Sunako, showing her that the light isn’t so bad. And when the shoe’s on the other foot, when Kyouhei is kidnapped or runs away, Sunako pursues him. I’ve discovered something pretty cool about reality, though: Jesus didn’t stop pursuing me when I became a Christian. He didn’t say, “okay, my work here is done. Time to pursue the next lost sheep.” When I stray, He comes and pulls me back to Him. I’ve learned, and continue to learn, to trust His passionate, pursuing love. I trust Him with my imperfections, trust Him to know those imperfections better than I do and still love me more than I can imagine. So I try not to hide from His light when I’m faced with my brokenness. He sees it anyway, and He’s able to heal me, to work with me, to use that brokenness for something beautiful. I’ve seen some of that already. He has filled every need that I felt addressed in The Wallflower, and He does so in a way that no one else can - not in real life, and certainly not in a fictional animated story. 

Now, I’m going to stop writing. “Rewind” posts are supposed to be short bits about shows I barely remember. Well, this post is about The Wallflower, but it’s also about things that have been on my mind in the three years since I first watched it. I could go on (in fact, I have), but I’ll save it for another post.

Rewind: Kare Kano

Last week, I was too swamped even to write a "Swamped" post. Those of you who follow me on Twitter or Facebook already know that. Those of you who don't... well, that's where to look for updates.

This post ended up being part video-hunting adventure, part Rewind. Bear with me.

The last two weeks of the semester were tough, but I'm back and ready to talk about Kare Kano (or His and Her Circumstances, as I first knew it). Unfortunately, I barely remember it, and it's not on Hulu anymore. Funimation has betrayed me. Or, to be more accurate, I didn't realize it was licensed to Funimation until today [EDIT: see Frank's comment below. He knows stuff I don't]. Thus, I went to Hulu, planning to watch part of the first episode to get back into the groove, take a screenshot, and make sure I didn't get it mixed up with more recent shoujo plots. When I got to Hulu, it wasn't there. I looked everywhere, and I couldn't find it. 

So I visited the Anime News Network page, hoping for information about the English company involved. Sure enough, it was Funimation. They often take episodes of shows down for a while, rotate them, switch out dubs for subs, and so on. This time, they and their partner sites took Kare Kano down completely. I couldn't even find a reference to it on their website - no videos available, no DVDs for sale... nada. Now, I realize that this show is from 1998 and demand has gone down. And, of course, my understanding of licensing and such is so limited, I'm not sure I'm qualified to say what I've already said. Maybe some legal contract expired or something. I don't know. All I know is that I'm disappointed.

Let this be a reminder to you: if you want to watch (or re-watch) a Funimation series, don't procrastinate. 

I guess I'll have to make do this week.

Yukino pretends to be elegant in deed
and heart, but...

I have fond memories of Kare Kano. I could easily relate to the main character, Yukino. Like me, she is a perfectionist about school, and used to being at the top. This leads to too much pride and an image that's stressful to keep up. Although, now that I've had a chance to re-watch her first few scenes, I have to say that Yukino is vainer than I've ever admitted to being. She even says she's "the queen of vanity." In fact, just the first few minutes of the first episode are a great illustration of how foolish vanity looks when laid bare.*

Yukino's obsession with staying on top borders on crazy. Actually, if this were real life instead of anime, I might say she's crossed the border. But this is anime, so her self-destructive, work-a-holic habits aren't too out of place. 

The central boy in the story, Arima, complements her wonderfully. He has his own issues, though. Like Yukino, he approaches school with a level of perfectionism that's not necessarily healthy, although for different reasons. His guardians aren't his birth parents, from what I remember, and he feels like he needs to be perfect for them, even though he really doesn't. He and Yukino help each other to gain the perspective they need. He puts up with her quirks, and she eventually sees him as more than a rival. A sweet relationship develops. 

... at home, she lets her guard down.
Her real personality is anything but
elegant.

I love it when anime features a flawed, relatable character. Yukino looks good to those around her, but on the inside, she's not so pretty. She needs someone like Arima to show her there's a better way to live. There's more to her identity than trying to fit some image of "perfection."

If you've stuck around this blog for a long time, you might already know how important that theme is to me. I don't have an anime man to reorient my perspective, but I'm not an anime girl, so that's okay. Instead, it's taken some humbling experiences, long letters to God, and an influential book to get me to the place I am now. I still catch myself putting too much of my identity and pride in things like grades. So anime with characters like Yukino stick out to me. It's an added bonus when the "Prince Charming" isn't perfect either. So Kare Kano did pretty well. 

I want to say more, but I'm worried I'll confuse the plot with similar, newer anime. I remember that Yukino's thought life led to a lot of laughs. It was similar to that of the heroine in Skip Beat. I also remember that the animation quality went downhill in the last two episodes. The story continued, but there were more stills and similar low-budget stabs at animation. I think that's the only reason I didn't give Kare Kano five stars on Anime-Planet; it still had the #1 place on my list of romance anime for a while. 

P.S.: I did find a place that offered the first full episode completely legally and online! ... but it was only for Australia and New Zealand. "If you're from the U.S., we're guessing this might be the first time you've seen a message like this, sorry," the site said. Well, yup... I think I just got a small taste of what my aniblogging friends from the other side of the world often encounter. Sorry, guys.

*P.P.S.: Finally, once I was almost done with this post, I found something that looked legit! It's an anime network called Gong, and it has channels on YouTube. So that's what I used to get the screenshots here. Once I started watching this episode, I was amazed at how unpolished the animation was. I didn't start noticing that kind of thing until I was at least a year into watching anime, but Kare Kano is showing its age... and its budget, I believe. 

Rewind: Saiunkoku Monogatari

Today has been a "rewind" and "replay" kind of week. I'm trying to write a paper about some aspect of the online anime community. I want to show my audience my experiences here, like some writers show their audience a foreign country or a quaint cafe. Thus, I've been rereading old forums and posts to find good, shareable moments.

 While I was walking down memory lane, I decided to read some of my Anime-Planet blog posts. Even after I started aniblogging here, I posted on A-P... mostly because I was going through anime at a ridiculous rate, and I didn't want my family to see how often I finished and discussed different series. Three of my posts were about Saiunkoku Monogatari. Here's my post from right after I finished the first series. I liked the second series almost as much. 

It's been three years since I watched this shoujo anime, but I remember that it was a lovely experience. There were a total of 78 episodes, split into two 39 episode series. I went through them in less than two weeks, despite having school and other responsibilities. That should tell you two things: First, I had very unhealthy anime habits (mostly rooted in escapism). Second, this show captivated me. 

Like I said in my Anime-Planet posts, I loved the characters in Saiunkoku Monogatari. Looking back, they weren't too extraordinary, but they were fun. Three years later, I still think about one of the directionally-challenged secondary characters whenever I get lost. 

There's romance, but the plot is far more involved than that. Anime-Planet has it tagged as "political," and it is. The main character, Shuurei, is a sharp, politically-minded girl living in an ancient empire. It takes more than a little determination for a woman to rise as a political figure in a world like that, and the rise does not happen overnight. 

Saiunkoku Monogatari is not a comedy, but it has more than a few comedic moments. I'll leave you with one of them, courtesy of a nameless, very minor character from the second series:

Rewind: Vampire Knight

I don't have time to get screenshots from my old computer, so here's an old forum signature
I made instead. It has screenshots in it. Yuki's the girl, Kaname is holding her, and Zero
is the guy with blood all over his neck.

Sothis just added a greatly demanded feature to Anime-Planet: “times watched.” We can now select how many times we’ve watched something, and that will be calculated into our “life on anime.” I haven’t re-watched a lot of series, but it was still fun to go in and update my profile. 

Two titles I marked as “2x” watched were Vampire Knight and Vampire Knight: Guilty, from a popular shoujo franchise. I used to love Vampire Knight. In fact, I think I may have seen the first series three times. It’s been at least a year and a half since my last vampire anime phase, though. I’d like to watch it once more to see if I still like it as much. 

What made me love Vampire Knight? 

First, I came across it before cynicism settled in. I was a cynic about a lot of things, but anime was not one of them. 

Second, the squeal factor: Bishies. Romance. Love interests with dark and mysterious histories. Guys who will fight for their girl, and fight pretty well. If I had to pick between Kaname from Vampire Knight and Edward Cullen, I’d pick Kaname (no, this is not an invitation to hate on Twilight). 

Third, it’s dark and suspenseful. All my squealing aside, I honestly was interested in the story for the story’s sake. 

Fourth, it made me smile. Despite the dark stuff, Vampire Knight could be quite funny at times. The humor mostly relied on characters as their personalities annoyed or inconvenienced each other. It provided great comic relief within the more serious setting.

From what I remember, Vampire Knight was pretty good. Not my top recommendation, but it was very fun to watch. In fact, I can't think of any more recent shoujo anime that entertained me nearly so much. 

My Little Monster: Unconditional Love

I slowly watched My Little Monster (aka Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun) over several months. It’s a slow shoujo romance anime, the kind I once avoided. It’s not quite interesting enough for me to marathon the thirteen episodes. In fact, I’m not entirely sure why it kept my attention long enough for me to finish it.

There isn’t much action, adventure, or suspense. I’ve long since expanded my horizons beyond action shows, but I still like them, and I still have trouble sitting through slow plots.

There is humor, but it only makes me smirk a little, at most.

The primary conflict is internal, within the main character, Mizutani Shizuku.

I guess I watched because I wanted to see her find her balance. I wanted her to be both a friend and a good student, to know when to prioritize what. I wanted her to find her identity beyond just being first (or second) in class.

Identity: isn’t that what we’re all searching for? Up to this point, Shizuku has relied on herself for identity, and her place at the top of the class is her affirmation. She is so wrapped up in her schoolwork, she doesn’t have time for anything or anyone else.

Haru in the sixth episode

Then he comes along. Yoshida Haru is wild and free and tops her in class without even trying. But most importantly, he cares for her. Not for her brains or status in school. Not because she’s a challenge. She gives him no reason to pursue her. I believe he loves her simply because he’s chosen to. To him, the only part of her identity that matters is that she is his friend. 

She isn’t a very good friend to him or anyone else. She has very little idea of how to even be a friend. To everyone else at school, she is just a cold, soulless top student. But he doesn’t ask anyone’s opinion. He earnestly, honestly loves her, and that’s all that matters.

Hm... that sounds familiar. In fact, it sounds a lot like what I talked with God about a few times. 

I, like Shizuku, place too much of my identity in school. When I turn in incomplete homework, ask a less than brilliant question, or even learn that I’m not the best student where I think I could be (prideful, I know), I become unsettled. I want my professors and classmates to think well of me. I want to meet my personal standards. And I forget that none of these is important. 

Jesus doesn’t love me for my brain. He likes it - He made it! - but He’s a lot smarter than me, and a much more diligent worker. I can neither impress nor disappoint Him.

He doesn’t love me because I try to be a good friend. He’s a much better friend, and doesn’t hold my failures against me.

He loves me because He chose me. He loves me not for what I see, but for what He sees. He delights in me, not despite or around my flaws, but with my flaws. He doesn’t expect me to heal myself; that’s His job. He just wants me to sit long enough for Him to treat me. He’s sad when I reject Him, but He’s still around. He chose me. 

Haru doesn’t expect Shizuku to change for him. He doesn’t expect her to suddenly become friendly to everyone or stop caring about school. He just wants her to open her heart to him. As she begins to love, she naturally begins to change. She starts to be a friend, to care for other people.

Jesus doesn’t expect me to make myself a perfect or different person. He doesn’t expect me to know what to say, to please everyone, or to be at the top of my class. He doesn’t expect me to know how to converse with friends or professors. He doesn’t even expect me to be wonderful at getting homework done. He chose me. He loves me. He stands by me as I learn. And He tells me those things don’t matter to my identity. They don’t make me me. All that matters is that He chose to love me.

So as I watched My Little Monster, I hoped that Shizuku would come to realize she doesn’t need to have the perfect balance, or to be the best student, or even be the best student she can be. I hoped she would realize that her identity, and even her success in life, isn’t reliant on grades. Haru loves her for who she is, faults and all. All she has to do is accept it and open her heart to the change his love brings.

Phases of Fandom: Enjoying Cheesiness

*Peeks out of hole and waves shyly*

So, after chronically neglecting this place, completing my first year of college, finishing the rough draft of At His Whim, and very briefly considering abandoning the blog altogether, I return. I'm not I wasn't going to say much in this post. It's more an attempt to get the ball rolling again than anything else.

I do, however, want to say this: I'm noticing myself go through phases of anime fandom. So far, I can identify at least two, and I think (hope) I'm in a third one:

1. The Naruto Phase

Many, many new fans go through this phase, and some never seem to leave it. Don't get me wrong; I still follow Naruto Shippuden (barely... I'm really behind at the moment). And there's nothing wrong with loving it even decades after joining otakudom. But I'd consider shows like Naruto, Bleach, and One Piece to be gateway anime, along with The Wallflower and Ouran High School Host Club. When I first entered the anime world with Naruto, I did not know what fillers were (I miss that blissful ignorance). I had not seen enough anime to recognize cliches. Heavens, I wasn't even as aware of fan service back then! I was just happy to find that Japan, unlike the U.S., had a lot of shows with prolonged story lines. I soaked up all the new types of humor and culture, squealed like a fangirl (okay, I still do that), and started to learn the category names (thankfully, I didn't learn words like "hentai" and "yaoi" the hard way like some people did).

2. The Snob Phase

This is the phase I'm trying to leave. This phase is hyper-critical. By this point, I'd discovered glorious gems such as Gungrave, Baccano! and Miyazaki's films (why it took me so long to watch his work, I do not know). I became hyper-sensetive to cliches, started to read and even write a couple of reviews on Anime-Planet, and began to feel like I had to defend my love for Naruto. One of my reviews from near the beginning of this phase makes me cringe, it was so mean.

3. The Balanced Phase

I'm still trying to achieve this one, but I think I've made a step in the right direction: I just finished Uta no Prince-sama: Maji Love 1000%. Yes, it is as cheesy as the name sounds. But who cares? I used to love reverse harem style anime (especially before I realized that fan service can be aimed at girls just as well as at guys). I loved the idea of several young men caring about me. I can't enjoy these shows as purely as I once could. But worst case scenario, I can laugh. I can make a game of guessing which cliche way a character is going to respond in a cliche situation. And, if I try to clear my mind, I can almost feel the squeals and sighs coming on again.

From left to right: Height Complex, Personality Disorder, Special Secret, Enthusiastic Red, Sophisticated, Rich Flirt with Sob Story, and in front, with her back to us, Plain Pushover Girl. Ep 13 of Uta no Prince-sama. 

I'm not going to lower my standards. Now that Another, Gungrave, and other quality anime have graced my screen, shows like Uta no Prince-sama don't have the charm they once had for me. But I don't want to remain so snobby that I can't find joy in a Naruto filler like I used to. Most of these shows were made purely to entertain, not to be award-winning masterpieces. I want to learn to put aside my criticalness, sit back, relax, and let myself be entertained... even if the cheesiness itself is my entertainment.

Neo Angelique Abyss - Five episodes in, and unimpressed

As I browse Crunchyroll and Hulu, I notice a rather annoying fact: shounen anime is far more available than shoujo. Don't get me wrong; I love quite a few shounen anime. Naruto holds a special place in my heart as the show that lured me into anime fandom. Death Note, The Prince of Tennis, and Hikaru no Go are favorites of mine as well. But I am, as you know, a girl, and I enjoy watching anime aimed at girls, young and old. In fact, I think it was shoujo anime that brought out the squealer and giggler in me. Skip Beat, The Wallflower, Aishiteruze Baby, and His and Her Circumstances are just four examples of shoujo anime that have captured me for hours on end.

Unfortunately, I've watched almost every freely-available shoujo anime series that appeals to me. My craving for shoujo has mounted over the last several months as I scourged Crunchyroll for a reverse harem, a fluffy romance, or anything non-magical-girl that fits into the shoujo category. Neo Angelique Abyss came across my radar several times. So I tried it - twice. Both times, the first episode neglected to impress me, and I wandered off to a different anime.

Today, many months after my last attempt to watch Neo Angelique Abyss, my shoujo cravings were at their highest. I decided to try it once more. This time, I went straight to the second episode. Now, after five episodes, I can safely say that I'm not impressed. Sure, the reverse harem elements of the anime play on my fantasies. I mean, what girl wouldn't want four or so strong, brave, handsome young men befriending and protecting her? Yet even the charms of a reverse harem barely keep my attention.

Angelique, the heroine, using her powers to heal (ep. 5)

The heroine, Angelique, reminds me of a girl from a bland harem aimed at guys: beautiful, sweet, selfless, and basically perfect. She has no outstanding character traits. She just happens to have an amazing power as a "Purifier." Sure, Angelique's kindness and bravery can be admirable. And, if this series is aimed at children, I suppose nothing else is required of her character. Yet I am not a child, and I find her personality rather bland.

The male characters don't stand out to me, either. Their personalities are nothing new, and their comedic scenes aren't as notable or frequent as they might be. And, considering that the reverse harem aspects of the show are the main reason I'm still watching, this is a problem. That's not to say, as of the fifth episode, that these characters are complete losses. I can't deny that the main male characters all seem to have some personal history and at least a bit of charm. Lein, for example, interests me. Of course, it's possible that's just because of his cool design and his intelligent, young professor character traits.

The plot has yet to impress me. So far, Angelique has just been gaining companions and fighting Thanatos (monster things). Perhaps, as the anime further unfolds, the plot will draw me further in. We'll see.

The animation is okay. The soundtrack is forgettable (at one point I almost turned on my own music, half forgetting that I'm not supposed to supplement anime with my own sound). So really, I'm all around unimpressed.

Yet I'll keep watching. If my opinions change, I'll blog about it. If not, I might still blog about it. For now, I'll just watch the next episode and hope it evolves into something a little more interesting.

Reflection on The Wallflower

Time for a break from Anime 101!

A little note before I start on today’s post: I’m considering splitting up my blog, so that I have one devoted to anime, especially now that I linked my blog to Anime-Planet. I’ve noticed that most of the more successful blogs have a main theme. While I don’t want this one to be devoted exclusively to anime, I do want it to be less broad in topic. So, if I ever get around to further studying and writing on secession, that post belongs elsewhere.

Anyway, on to tonight’s post. I considered saving it for another purpose, but I needed something else to write on the blog, and I’d already journaled on the topic… so here we go.

In the past couple days, I began reading the manga Yamatonadeshiko Shichihenge (aka The Wallflower) by Hayakawa Tomoko. I watched the anime several months ago and loved it. Why? A couple reasons. I enjoyed the humor and the four handsome male leads. Yet the four stunning young men pursuing an introverted, socially awkward horror otaku provided the main hook. I call it the “fairy tale effect” – if the creators play it right, they use it to cover up a mediocre storyline and make it a hit among the girls.

I identify with the main character, Sunako. I think my social and fashion skills exceed hers. But, like her, I spend much of my time happily alone in my room. Unlike Sunako, I don’t have a bloody nose whenever I someone attractive. Then again, until a few years ago, I could hardly speak with any male between my age and forty! The more attractive the guy, the more difficult the conversation, and the more my insides fluttered. To this day, I still don’t feel entirely comfortable around guys my own age, as I always wonder how to act. If one of my male friends set out to coax me out of my shell, I’d be pleased. If four of them pursued and cared for me, despite my protests, dismissal, and timidity… well, I’d be amazed and very grateful. Like Sunako, I would sometimes feel frustrated when they pushed too far into my comfortable, lonely box. But if they continued pursuing me anyway, I’d let them in, a little at a time.

I dream of a prince rescuing me, holding me tight, taking me on adventures, and promising I’d be his forever. In truth, the Prince already came for me, takes me on His adventures, and promises to never let go. His name is Jesus, and He rescued me from more than any fairy tale or anime prince could, going to lengths beyond any written in a manga.

Why then do I forget Him? I read manga, watch anime, and dream of young gentlemen to fill a prince-shaped hole. Yet Jesus already came to fill that hole, and I already accepted Him for the divine Prince He is. Do I, deep down, not truly believe that He is enough? Does some part of me think I need to prove myself worthy of His love? Jesus’ radiance outshines that of any manga or anime character. I don’t get a bloody nose when I realize His presence, but I do get overwhelmed. He is far more than a hundred times as great as Kyohei, Tankenaga, or any other character in The Wallflower. In comparison, I feel like Sunako in her most diminutive form. Part of me wants to hide in my room, turn off the lights, and escape into an anime the way Sunako does with her horror movies. But the other part of me wants to venture into that brilliant light, brave my “bloody nose,” and find out more about the dazzling Prince who gave up everything for me, who pursues a relationship with scattered little me.

Incidentally, as I read The Wallflower, I also read the Gospel of Luke. So I take a peek at rather shallow renderings of four “princes” and then bask in the story of my real life Prince. How good can life get?

Note: I just realized that some of this post won’t make complete sense to someone who hasn’t read the manga or watched the anime. Sorry about that. This was originally written in my journal, and I hardly tweaked the entry when moving it here. I’ll try writing a post on The Wallflower with more synopsis/content type and less personal reflection soon, perhaps after another Anime 101. There are some aspects of both the anime and manga that I take serious issue with and want to address.