Thursday, October 27, 2011

Meeting the Boy - "You break her heart, I'll break your face"?

Just a scrap I felt like sharing, inspired by recent events. Ella’s personality is a bit different from mine, and I’m far too shy to actually talk like this. But this kind of scene runs through my head often when I think of my little sister and any interested guys.

Ella looked the boy up and down. He was cute, she had to admit. But he wanted to date her little sister, which definitely lowered him on her “like” scale. If he thought his brilliant smile would win her over, he had a lot to learn.

She really wanted to say something classic, something along the lines of, “You break her heart, and I’ll break your face.” But she didn’t think that was the Christian thing to say. Plus, the only thing she’d end up breaking was her own fist. That didn’t exactly sound appealing.

So she studied him, letting him squirm as she searched for the perfect words to say. He shifted his weight and looked a little nervous. Good. She was just the preliminaries; the boy still had to go through their father.

Finally, she found her voice. “So,” she began casually, “Samuel, was it?”

He nodded. “Yep.”

“Well, Samuel, do you intend to pursue my precious little sister?”

“Um… yes?”

Ella raised her eyebrows at his uncertain tone. “To what end, if I may ask?”

“Um…” Samuel rubbed his nose. “To get to know each other, I guess. Maybe… I don’t know. We’re in high school, I mean, what do you expect?”

“Uh-huh. You’re in high school.” Ella paused. “Now, I’m sure Dad will make things perfectly clear to you, so all I’m going to say is that I think holding hands is very sweet, and Alice agrees with me. Any other contact, however…” She let her voice trail off. “Any way, I’m sure you’ll be a perfect gentlemen.”

He bobbed his head. “Of course.”

She smiled. “Now, I’m sure you understand that we love Alice very much. She is the baby of the family, and we will be most… put out if something happens to her. We don’t mean to be hostile, but it might just… flow out in stressful circumstances. We’ll try restrain from negative thoughts and actions, but we’re not perfect, and sometimes, when provoked, things just… come out. I’d hate for you to be on the receiving end.”

Samuel swallowed. “I understand.”

“Great.” Ella turned to the stairs and called for her sister. “Hey, Alice, Samuel’s here!”


  1. Excellent post!!! Pure genius. I can totally relate, except my dad is going be cleaning his hunting rifles when any boy tries to hang out with my sisters.

    The only problem I have is, what will happen to me when I want to date a girl. Her family and especially dad may be a challenge, I am not sure I will stand a chance.

  2. @Zeroe4
    Thanks! Yeah, Dad recently had "The Talk" with a boy who's shown some interest in Lil Sis. It was Dad's first time (I have yet to need such services), and it sounds like he made his point pretty clear. Lil Sis and I were looking out the windows, trying to gauge their expressions.

    I think families change their reactions depending on the guy - from my interactions with you online, I doubt a father would have a reason to be too threatening.

  3. I hope you are right. I really hope you are right.

  4. This makes me wish I had a little sister just to be able to threaten some unsuspecting boy :) Then again, I already do that whenever my friends get new boyfriends :D

    Such humorous writing, by the way! I love how you have these funny stories, then these professional-sounding critiques.

    (By the way, I can relate to your little sister. My dad tells me every time I am about to hang out with guys, and I quote, "All boys are dirtbags." It's become a common phrase in my household.)


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